How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I just forgot I was standing up.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
