I think im going to throw up on grandma
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
We have started to decorate penises.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Randomize
