i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I think I just sharted jello shots
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