i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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