Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
