I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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