dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
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