I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
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