Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Reggie can tackle my bush.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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