I'm gonna have a badass scar
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
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