His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
