I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
