There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Randomize
