I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
