if i can run in heels then i can drive
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
