found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
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