so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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