When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Randomize
