Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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