Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
