This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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