you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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