Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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