Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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