Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
