I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
