I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
