If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
