his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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