saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
