I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
