I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Randomize
