I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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