My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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