she was so not down for the gang bang
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
