You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
