we'll go far in life on tits alone.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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