its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
