so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Randomize
