no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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