Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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