I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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