Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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