.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
only you would photoshop your dick
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
