then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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