fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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