can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
