is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
