he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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