I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
