she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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