john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
